It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
