I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
