the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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