hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
