Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
