Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
