I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
