is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
