So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
