Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
