Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
