If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina