if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is Oprah even human
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
