dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
