Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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