Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
