I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
