Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
