im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
