Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
