When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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