I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
