I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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