I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
