Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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