Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
