i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can I color on your dick again?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
