Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She bit a glass in half.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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