I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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