I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
