dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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