I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we're making bets on your personal life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
