We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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