Swine flu. Run for my life!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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