not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
