Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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