I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
