I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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