These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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