mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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