woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
