i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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