He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
