just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
