Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
