I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
