Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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