My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
