Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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