So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
how drunk are you?
Several
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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