I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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