cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Shitshow foam night was such a success
OPIZZABONMYDICK
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I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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