just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize