What a fucking waste of an outfit
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize