I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
