remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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