Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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