suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
