I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
