did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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