Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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