Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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