I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
