Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
