The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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