I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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