The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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