Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
