I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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