Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
