How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
