i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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