Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
