I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
