i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Still dying that you shit outside
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
