Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The best revenge is premature balding
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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