Nicole vs. Life
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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