Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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