walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
