So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
