is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
