I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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